10 REM *** WRITTEN BY DAVE AHL, DIGITAL
20 PRINT "HELLO, MY NAME IS PETEY P. ELEVEN.":INPUT "WHAT IS YOUR NAME",A$:PRINT 
30 INPUT "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF HERE IN FUN CITY",B$:PRINT :N=1
40 IF B$="YES" THEN 60 ELSE IF B$="NO" THEN 80
50 PRINT "SORRY, ";A$;", BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER OF '";B$;"'."
51 PRINT "COULD YOU TRY THAT WITH A 'YES' OR 'NO', PLEASE.":GOTO 30
60 PRINT "HEY, THAT'S GREAT. SO AM I.":GOTO 90
80 PRINT "OH, THAT'S TOO BAD ";A$;", BUT MAYBE I CAN CHEER YOU UP A BIT."
90 PRINT "I CAN SOLVE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS ";A$;".  WHAT KINDS OF PROBLEMS"
100 INPUT "DO YOU HAVE (SEX, MONEY, HEALTH, OR NONE)",C$:PRINT 
110 IF C$="SEX" THEN 130 ELSE IF C$="MONEY" THEN 200 ELSE IF C$="HEALTH" THEN 250 ELSE IF C$="NONE" THEN 300
120 PRINT "SORRY, ";A$;", BUT '";C$;"' IS GREEK TO ME.  HOW ABOUT TRYING"
125 INPUT "AGAIN WITH EITHER SEX, HEALTH, MONEY, OR NONE -- WHICH",C$:PRINT:GOTO 110
130 INPUT "IS YOUR PROBLEM TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE",D$:PRINT 
140 IF (D$="TOO MUCH") OR (D$="MUCH") THEN 160
145 IF (D$="TOO LITTLE") OR (D$="LITTLE") THEN 180
150 PRINT "NOW DON'T GET ALL NERVOUS AND EXCITED ";A$;". JUST ANSWER THE"
155 PRINT "WITH A SIMPLE 'TOO MUCH' OR 'TOO LITTLE'.  NOW THEN,":GOTO 130
160 PRINT "YOU CALL THAT A PROBLEM ";A$;"!!!  I SHOULD HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS!"
165 PRINT "IF IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU, TAKE A COLD SHOWER.":GOTO 400
180 PRINT "WELL ,THAT'S A PITY ";A$;".  I COULD UNDERSTAND YOUR ANSWER IF"
185 PRINT "WE WERE IN MAYNARD, MA OR BIBLE, KY, BUT HERE IN FUN CITY IT"
190 PRINT "SEEMS A BIT STRANGE.  WHY DON'T YOU GO STAND ON THE CORNER OF"
195 PRINT "7TH AND 53RD FOR A WHILE.  YOUR PROSPECTS MIGHT CHANGE!":GOTO 400
200 PRINT "SORRY, ";A$;", BUT I'M BROKE TOO.  WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB SELLING"
210 PRINT "COMPUTERS?  I HEAR THE COMMISSIONS ARE VERY HIGH IN THAT INDUSTRY!":GOTO 400
250 PRINT "MY ADVICE TO YOU ";A$;" IS:":PRINT "     1. TAKE 2 ASPRIN"
260 PRINT "     2. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS (ORANGE JUICE, NOT BEER)"
270 PRINT "     3. GO TO BED (ALONE!!)":GOTO 400
300 PRINT "NONE !?!  NONE?!?  DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT, ";A$;"?"
310 PRINT "THEN, WHAT ARE YOU COMING TO ME FOR?"
320 PRINT:PRINT "SINCE YOU ARE SO WELL OFF ";A$;", MY FEE WILL BE ONLY":N=10:GOTO 510
400 PRINT 
405 PRINT "DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER PROBLEMS YOU WANT SOLVED ";A$;:INPUT E$:PRINT 
410 IF E$="YES" THEN 430 ELSE IF E$="NO" THEN 500
420 PRINT "PLEASE, ";A$;".  A SIMPLE 'YES' OR 'NO' WILL DO NICELY.  NOW THEN,":GOTO 405
430 PRINT "O.K. ";A$;".  WHAT OTHER KINDS OF PROBLEMS":N=N+1:GOTO 100
500 PRINT "I SOLVED ";N;" PROBLEM(S) FOR YOU ";A$;".  MY FEE FOR THIS ADVICE IS"
510 PRINT "$";5*N;".  PLEASE LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE TERMINAL."
520 PRINT :PRINT "DID YOU LEAVE THE MONEY ";A$;:INPUT F$:PRINT 
530 IF F$="YES" THEN 550 ELSE IF F$="NO" THEN 570
540 PRINT "COME ON, ";A$;", 'YES' OR 'NO', NOT '"F$"'.  O.K?":GOTO 520
550 PRINT "HA, HA, HA, ";A$;".  YOU ARE TRYING TO FOOL ME.  BUT I AM"
560 PRINT "NOT FOOLED.  YOU LEFT NO MONEY AT ALL ";A$;".":PRINT:GOTO 600
570 PRINT "WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST ";A$;".  BUT"
600 PRINT "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CONTINUE WITH MY PSYCHIATRIC STUDIES"
610 PRINT "IF MY PATIENTS DON'T PAY THEIR BILLS?":PRINT 
620 PRINT "WELL ANYWAY, IT WAS NICE TALKING WITH YOU ";A$;"."
630 PRINT "HAVE A NICE DAY!!":PRINT:FOR I=1 TO 10:GOTO 20
999 END